Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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