It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
