the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
