I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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