moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
