sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
