I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
