insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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