Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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