I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
