I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
