i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Randomize
