don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
