it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he was CRYING into my vagina
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
