So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you traded sex for a burrito?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
