I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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