is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
