I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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