I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
