I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
