why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
