He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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