These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
