you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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