Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Green mimosas i think yes
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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