i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
