Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Who put my cat in the fridge?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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