ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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