...so i touched it.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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