She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Someone shit on the floor
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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