If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize