Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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