i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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