Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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