You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
