i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize