I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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