I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
