dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
