i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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