I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
