he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
