Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
