can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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