i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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