Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
