I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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