I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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