He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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