She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
