did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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