Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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