Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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