I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Even my vagina gasped.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
