i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Randomize