Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
