how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
