Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
