Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
