He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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