phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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