Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
