wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
They have beer where we have blood.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
