on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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