Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
