I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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