hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
