Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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