You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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