Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
