They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
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When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
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I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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