I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
