Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
did i just pee glitter
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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