yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
