she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything about him screamed your future.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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