Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
