i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
