I'm going to jail i love you
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
