All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
hell yes lets make some ravioli
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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