Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
