did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
