Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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