you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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